Bondi fired because even she couldn't be as awful as Trump | Opinion

I assume Bondi will now become assistant to the regional special envoy for The Shield of the Americas. Or maybe she and Kristi Noem can start a podcast.

Rex Huppke

As attorney general, Pam Bondi lied for President Donald Trump. She hurled insults at Democrats for him. She tried to shield him from the Jeffrey Epstein files. She groveled and doused him with praise in Cabinet meetings.

But in the end, doing everything the president wanted, selling her soul and whatever shards of dignity she had left, just wasn’t enough. Trump fired Bondi on April 2, making her the second female Cabinet member Trump has dispatched as his presidency spirals. The first was Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, whom Trump canned and then named “a special envoy for the Shield of the Americas,” which I’m still not convinced is a real thing.

I assume Bondi will now become assistant to the regional special envoy for the Shield of the Americas. Or maybe she and Noem can start a podcast. Whatever.

Pam Bondi just couldn't be as terrible as Trump needed her to be

The thing that matters here is that Bondi has no one to blame but herself. She forgot the mantra all Trump loyalists must follow: Always lie harder, always praise more.

In 2025, during a Cabinet meeting celebrating the president’s first 100 days, Bondi said: “President, your first 100 days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country. Ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it. Thank you.”

Really, Pam? That was the best you could do?

Using the word “President” as if it were Trump’s name was a decent touch ‒ like calling someone “Emperor” ‒ but after that, it was mild obsequiousness at best. You didn’t say anything about how handsome and strong Trump is, and you whiffed on mixing in a “Sleepy Joe Biden” or “Barack HUSSEIN Obama” reference that surely would’ve pleased the "President."

Bondi's failure to make Epstein files disappear was problematic

And then there’s her handling of the Epstein files, or rather her failure to accidentally drop all of the Epstein files into a Justice Department incinerator. By failing to make the files go away, she allowed the public to continue knowing that they exist, and that Trump’s name appears in them many, many times. Would it have killed you to eat the Epstein files, Ms. Bondi? C’mon!

Trump was also reportedly frustrated because Bondi had failed to lock up all the president’s political enemies. While that’s not technically, or at all, an attorney general’s job ‒ the libs would argue the attorney general works for the people, not the president ‒ it is OBVIOUSLY the job when you’re working for Donald Trump.

Bondi couldn't even lock up innocent people Trump wanted locked up

The cases Bondi has pursued against various Democrats haven’t gone anywhere, for absurd reasons like a lack of “evidence” and so-called grand juries not having the courage to “issue indictments.”

Again, this is Bondi’s fault. Trump has made it abundantly clear he doesn’t believe in the law, so the attorney general simply accepting the results of our legal system was never going to be good enough. She needed to get out there and MAKE THE LAW GREAT AGAIN.

Say it with me again, folks … LIE HARDER!

A burn book and childish behavior at hearings weren't good enough

Bondi did manage to annoy Democrats by arriving at congressional hearings with a burn book filled with insults tailored for individual politicians.

But the burns were weak. She called Democratic Rep. Jamie Raskin “a washed-up loser lawyer.” Any Trump aficionado knows you’ve got to spice that line up with some emasculating language and a couple of lies or made-up statistics, like: “Lil’ Jamie Raskin, you’re a weak, pathetic loser lawyer who cheated to win and is hated by 98% of Americans.”

To be honest, it feels like Bondi wasn’t even trying to be an unctuous bootlicker. She needed to up her toady game to a galactically sycophantic level, and it never happened.

So now she’s out. Like Noem. And probably more to come.

So for those remaining, remember: Lie harder, praise more. You MUST please the "President."

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk