SNL Nails Trump Allies’ Delusions: Hegseth, Patel, and Kavanaugh Toast Iran War and Authoritarian Dreams

Saturday Night Live’s May 9 cold open delivered a sharp, unapologetic takedown of some of the Trump era’s most toxic figures: Pete Hegseth, Kash Patel, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. The trio, played by Colin Jost, Aziz Ansari, and host Matt Damon respectively, stumble into a D.C. dive bar to drunkenly brag about their most notorious abuses of power.

Hegseth, who improbably went from Fox News weather guy to “secretary of war,” frets about the Iran War ending, likening it to wasted blue chew and lonely nights. Kavanaugh boasts about dismantling the Voting Rights Act and ending abortion rights, delivering lines like “Your body, my choice!” with chilling casualness. Patel, the FBI director accused of weaponizing the agency for political loyalty purges, reveals he’s made his own branded FBI bourbon and jokes about polygraphs and personal relationship dramas.

The sketch’s punchline is a dark jab at authoritarianism: Kavanaugh reveals a “top secret” plan to let Trump serve a third term, referencing a fictional “original Constitution” with Trump’s handwritten “Psych!” at the end. It’s a biting metaphor for the ongoing assault on democratic norms and constitutional limits.

This isn’t the first time SNL has targeted Kavanaugh’s belligerence and hypocrisy, but this latest sketch broadens the spotlight to include Patel’s politicization of the FBI and Hegseth’s reckless militarism. By portraying these figures as drunken bros oblivious to the damage they cause, the show underscores the recklessness and absurdity of their real-world actions.

For those tracking the Trump administration’s corruption, authoritarian overreach, and attacks on democracy, the sketch is a welcome dose of accountability through satire. It reminds us that these aren’t just harmless characters—they are powerful actors actively undermining the rule of law, civil rights, and democratic institutions.

Watch the full cold open on NBC’s official channels and keep following Only Clowns Are Orange for relentless coverage of these figures’ ongoing abuses. We don’t just report on corruption and authoritarianism—we expose it for the national crisis it is.