SNL Roasts Kavanaugh, Hegseth, and FBI’s Kash Patel as Trump’s Loyal Party Boys

Saturday Night Live’s May 9 cold open served up a brutal satire of three key figures emblematic of the Trump administration’s corruption and abuses of power: Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh (Matt Damon), Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost), and FBI Director Kash Patel (Aziz Ansari). The setting? Martin’s Tavern in Washington, D.C., a “sneaky bar” where these loyalists gather to drink away their mounting scandals and authoritarian misdeeds.

Kavanaugh, wielding his gavel and judicial robes, immediately sets the tone by “ruling” on a drink order — “six Bud Lites and three shots of Jamo” — with the bartender acknowledging the “6-3 decision,” a sharp nod to the Supreme Court’s conservative majority. The sketch wastes no time highlighting Kavanaugh’s cynical role in enabling Trump’s anti-democratic agenda, joking about gerrymandering disguised as a “field sobriety test” and his proud claim to have “ended abortion” with the quip “your body, my choice.”

Hegseth, gleefully bragging about “starting a war” in Iran, downplays the conflict as “completely blew over,” mocking the administration’s reckless foreign policy posturing. Meanwhile, Kavanaugh laments “male loneliness” and a lack of loyal comrades in the administration, underscoring the isolated, insular nature of Trump’s inner circle.

The arrival of Patel, flaunting his “FBI bourbon with my name on it,” satirizes the politicization and personal aggrandizement within federal law enforcement under Trump’s watch. Patel’s boast about being the first in his family to attend college is delivered with an ironic tone, highlighting the absurdity of his rise tied to loyalty rather than merit.

The sketch culminates in a chilling punchline: Kavanaugh reveals they plan to “let Trump do a third term,” dismissing constitutional limits with a crude “Sike!” scribbled onto the original document. This biting satire exposes the trio’s contempt for democratic norms and their readiness to enable authoritarian rule.

SNL’s cold open cuts through the smokescreen of loyalty and lies to reveal the dangerous, self-serving cabal behind Trump’s ongoing assault on democracy. By lampooning these figures as drunken, deluded party boys, the sketch underscores the urgent need for accountability and resistance against the erosion of rule of law.

For those tracking the Trump administration’s corrupt grip on power, this SNL cold open is a sharp, timely reminder: the clown show is real, and it’s wreaking havoc on American democracy.