SNL Roasts Trump’s Inner Circle in Barroom Banter Cold Open

Saturday Night Live’s cold open last night delivered a blistering send-up of three key figures from the Trump era: Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, former Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, and FBI Director Kash Patel. Played respectively by Matt Damon, Colin Jost, and Aziz Ansari, the trio gathered in a “sneaky bar” to celebrate the chaos and corruption they helped unleash.

From the jump, the sketch pulled no punches. Kavanaugh, the justice who played a pivotal role in overturning abortion rights, proudly declares, “Hey! Your body, my choice!” mocking the hypocrisy of his rulings. Hegseth brags about starting a war, a nod to the reckless military policies under Trump’s watch. Meanwhile, Patel shows off a custom bottle of “FBI bourbon” — a sly jab at reports that the real Patel handed out branded alcohol as gifts, blending law enforcement with cronyism.

The sketch’s punchline lands when Kavanaugh reveals a “top secret” plan to let Trump run for a third term, rewriting the Constitution with a juvenile “Sike!” This absurdist twist highlights the administration’s blatant disregard for democratic norms and constitutional limits.

SNL’s cold open doesn’t just lampoon these figures as caricatures; it exposes the toxic culture of entitlement and impunity they embody. By having them sing “Tubthumping” — a song about getting knocked down but getting up again — the show ironically underscores how these officials keep bouncing back despite their damaging actions.

This biting satire reminds us that the Trump administration’s legacy is not just policy failures, but a brazen assault on democracy, accountability, and basic decency. As these characters toast their “American dream,” the rest of us are left to reckon with the damage they’ve done.