SNL Skewers Brett Kavanaugh, Kash Patel, and Pete Hegseth in Boozy Night Out Roast

Saturday Night Live unleashed a blistering cold open this weekend, dragging Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, former Trump loyalist Pete Hegseth, and ex-FBI Director Kash Patel through a booze-soaked parody of their real-life scandals and abuses of power.

Matt Damon reprised his role as Kavanaugh, still donning his robe and wielding a gavel, stumbling into Martin’s Tavern, the Georgetown bar infamous for Kavanaugh’s own questionable drinking history. Joining him were Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth, boasting about starting a war, and Aziz Ansari’s Kash Patel, proudly flaunting “his own FBI bourbon” branded with the agency’s shield — a pointed jab at Patel’s documented politicization of the FBI and his bizarre penchant for personalized alcohol, as reported by The Atlantic.

The dialogue was biting and unapologetic. Kavanaugh bragged about ending abortion with the line “Your body, my choice,” mocking the court’s recent ruling that gutted the Voting Rights Act and unleashed aggressive partisan redistricting in Southern states. The skit spotlighted Tennessee’s racial gerrymandering, with Kavanaugh holding up a grotesquely shaped district map before admitting it was actually a failed field sobriety test.

Patel’s character cracked jokes about making FBI agents take polygraphs — a nod to his loyalty purges and weaponization of the bureau against political opponents — while revealing his girlfriend’s desire to “open up” their relationship, underscoring the surreal, almost farcical nature of his public persona.

The climax came with Kavanaugh revealing a “secret”: Trump will get a third term, rewriting the Constitution with a childish “Psych! We’re going to live forever” scrawl. The absurdity of this punchline hits home given the real threats Trump and his allies pose to democratic norms and the rule of law.

SNL’s cold open does more than just entertain. It exposes how figures like Kavanaugh, Patel, and Hegseth embody the corruption, authoritarian overreach, and attacks on democracy that define the Trump era. By turning their scandals into satire, the show holds a mirror to the dangerous erosion of accountability in American institutions.

For those paying attention, it’s a reminder that these aren’t just punchlines — they are warnings. The abuses of power and blatant disregard for democratic principles by these figures demand scrutiny and resistance, not laughter alone.