Everything Marco Rubio Is Hiding in That Giant Gap at the Back of His Shoes

Daily affirmations? His dream of becoming president? A travel-size ointment for Trump’s neck rash? He’s got a big gap to fill.

Photo: Getty Images

Politics

Wall Street Journal

reportedwhat might be one of the most embarrassing stories to come out of this White House. In what appears to be some sort of cultish MAGA feet-themed ritual, Trump and members of his cabinet all wear the same pair of the president’s favorite $145 dress shoes.

didreceive a pair.) “The president kind of leans back in his chair and says, ‘You know you can tell a lot about a man by his shoe size,’” Vance told

WSJ. Gross.

Marco Rubio and Vance reportedly got their shoes in December, after a meeting where Trump got bored and pulled out his shoe catalog, more concerned with footwear than with anything else on the agenda. When asked for their sizes, Vance said 13, and Rubio—the poster child of Little Man Syndrome—said 11.5. 11.5, Marco? Really?

hmm

[pic.twitter.com/BU5xvGoAA0]— derek guy (@dieworkwear)

[March 11, 2026]

favorite menswear guy, @dieworkwear, helpfully highlighted, you can clearly see the large gap in the heel, as if a kid had put on their dad’s shoes when he came home from work. Unfortunately, Rubio has no choice but to wear Daddy’s shoes, as a White House staff official told

WSJ, “It’s hysterical because everybody’s afraid not to wear them.”

Extra notes to pass to Trump

with oil executives, when the president started trailing off into a daydream, and accidentally read aloud a note Rubio had slipped him: “Go back to Chevron, they want to discuss something.” Marco probably saves all the notes

Trump has touched askeepsakes, tucked into that little gap.

A

Trump’s #1 BoypinHis dream of becoming president one day

given up on his little boy dream of becoming the big man in charge. With these men, I just assume their thirst for power is a bottomless pit of eternal hunger.

Trump apparently recently askeddonors whether they’d back Vance or Rubio for 2028, and everyone picked Rubio. Rubio said he wouldn’t challenge Vance, but deep down… he knows he’s really Trump’s #1 boy.

His daily affirmations

Not to be confused with his extra notes for Trump, I imagine Rubio has various folded pieces of paper with things like, “I am enough, ” or “I can do hard things, “or “WORLD DOMINATION WILL BE MIIIIIIINNNEEEE

.”We all need affirmations sometimes, especially if you have a narcissistic boss.

A travel-size ointment for Trump’s latest neck rash

troubling rashon his neck, which is always the stuff you want to read about while enjoying your morning coffee after learning about your aging president’s latest decision to wage war on Iran. As far as we know, Trump doesn’t have a Gary, so someone’s gotta be carrying around the ointment—it must be Rubio’s shoe.

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